Recently, in the Chicago Tribune, Gail MarksJarvis wrote an excellent article about having “the talk”. She pointed out that eventually mom and dad may need help with their finances and it’s best to get the mechanics set up long before it becomes urgent. She quoted Suzanne Schmitt, VP of family engagement for Fidelity, “It’s a bit of an ostrich syndrome. Older adults are afraid of losing control over how they spend.”
One of the important issues in having “the talk” is pointing out that setting up procedures before they’re needed is actually the opposite. If the future is left to chance, parents risk having decisions made against their wishes. Hospitalizations and protracted rehabilitation can easily result in unpaid bills including taxes, utilities and others. Adult children likely don’t know what’s left undone or don’t have the right to access necessary records.
To avoid problems, people need to set up 2 powers of attorney - a health care power of attorney for medical decisions if a parent is unable to make them and, for financial matters, a standard power of attorney. This gives a family member the right to check on accounts, insurance, bills, etc.
“As a home care provider, we often see these problems manifested when an older adult has the desire and financial means to stay in their own home, yet hasn’t provided their adult child with appropriate access.” Says LifeStyle Options, Inc. Nursing Director, Lisa Brennan, BS, RN She strongly suggests that adult children accompany parents to meetings with financial advisors and attorneys as well as their doctors so children hear their parents’ wishes. “It’s not always easy or comfortable but it’s important to understand exactly what the older adults want and to set up the systems in a way that ensures it happens that way.”
Having “the talk” isn’t usually easy but it most certainly is helpful and necessary. There's also help available to assist caregivers who may be agents under a power of attorney, guardians of property or other fiduciaries. To help financial caregivers in Illinois, the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau’s Office for Older Americans has created easy-to-understand Managing Someone Else’s Money guides with information and resources specific to Illinois.
