Whether they are struggling to manage their personal care or are having difficulty getting around, you’ve recognized that your loved one needs in-home care. However, they are having trouble warming up to the idea, or worse, they are flat out refusing. How do provide help to someone who doesn’t want it? First, you should know that you are not alone. Many older adults fear giving up their independence, and struggle with the idea that they need assistance managing the activities they once performed with ease. So, where do you go from here?

Identify the Source of Their Resistance

Do they worry about lack of privacy with a caregiver? Are they concerned about the cost of live-in care? It’s easier to know how to deal with resistance to home care, when you understand where the resistance comes from. So, the first thing you should do is listen. Let them express their concerns so you can work together to find solutions.

Express the Need for Care

For many older adults, the idea of hiring a caregiver brings up thoughts of all the things they will be giving up. Shift the focus to what they have to gain from additional help. Perhaps an in-home caregiver will take the burden off other family members, allowing them to better enjoy the time they spend together. Having someone to assist them on errands will take some of the stress out of shopping alone. Don’t over-emphasis the things they can’t do, but rather discuss how caregiver assistance can help them maintain a more independent lifestyle, and allow them the freedom to remain in their home.

Pick Your Moment

Tackling a difficult subject requires some patience and finesse. So, be sure to choose the right time to address the need for care services. Start the dialogue at a time when you are both comfortable and relaxed. It’s also a good idea to include another family member or friend in the conversation who can provide support. Start by discussing the benefits a homecare agency can provide and all the various options available to them. Would they prefer part-time help with household chores a few days a week? Would they like someone to drive them to their activities and appointments? Asking about their preferences gives them a say in the matter, and shifts the conversation from one where they are being told what’s best for them to one where you are focused on understanding their needs.

These matters can require more than one conversation. So, if they are unwilling to discuss, don’t get discouraged. You can always revisit the topic another time.

Next Steps

• Consult their physician. If your loved one has a doctor or healthcare provider that they trust, they may be more like to listen to their advice when it comes to making decisions about yheir care needs. Schedule an appointment to include them in the conversation.
• Suggest home care on a trial basis. Give your loved a chance to test the waters and try at home services on a temporary basis. You can revisit the conversation after they have experienced the benefits first hand.
• Ask for help. Are your loved one’s care issues having an impact on you? Be honest about it. Your loved one is more likely to accept assistance if they feel that it is helping you. Be patient and compassionate, but explain how hiring someone to help with meal preparation, laundry, etc. will help you better manage your other obligations.

You have options. Be sure to involve your loved one in the decision process so you can choose the best option for both of you.

Note: If you are dealing with a person with dementia, be aware these strategies and methods may not be appropriate. If your loved one’s refusal of care is putting them at risk, be sure to contact an elder-care lawyer or home care professional right away to ensure their safety.  

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